SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>Juan on Juan
>What is a Yankee?
>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
>The position of the dirt bag
>Why is divorce so expensive?
>Because it's worth it.
>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>Doughnuts
>Why is air a lot like sex?
>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
>What do you call a smart blonde?
>A golden retriever.
>What do attorneys use for birth control?
>Their personalities.
>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>45 lbs
>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>45 minutes
>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>Why do men want to marry virgins?
>They can't stand criticism.
>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
>Because those men already have boyfriends.
>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>Because they have cotton balls.
>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>"Are you sure it's mine?"
>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>Mace will do that to you.
>Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
>Everyone has the same DNA.
>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>Breasts don't have eyes.
>Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>A different bar.
>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
>A speech impediment.
>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
>They're hiring.
>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with... "a recipe".
>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
>A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern
fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
>Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
>No one's tall enough to go on the good rides